You Still Know How To

I remember the exact moment when I realised I didn't really want to die. It was a sunny December day on the other side of the world. We were out on the harbour. Surrounded by hills and water. Moving so fast that your skin is cold no matter what you wear. The sound of rushing water. We saw dolphins. We were out with a friend who'd been "away" most of his life. When he jumped abruptly off the back off my mother's jetski to swim with them we all laughed, even though they'd almost toppled. It was genuine joy. But it wasn't the beauty or the happiness or the environment or the hills I'd missed so much or the sea wind on my face that always makes me feel so alive. I knew I didn't want to die when I held on tight to my brother's shirt and prayed we didn't crash.