What are you in to

I feel like whenever you tell people about cancer, it's that same reaction. Their voice goes a little funny, and they're all coo-ing all of a sudden, like I'm so sorry, but really they don't feel anything, it's this strange distance. Like when you learn about cancer and cancer biology and you have this weird feeling that it will never happen to you or anyone you know, and when it does, cancer is suddenly this real huge fucking thing.
Like you want to know everything but you can't stand knowing more. It's like a little knowledge is dangerous to your mental health because you know the chemo sucks and it makes people sicker, and that she's going to die and nothing will stop it.
And a year later you're back doing your advanced cancer biology and you hear it all again and it's like it never happened again.
Seriously, I have the same feeling of it could never happen to me. Never happen to anyone I know.
But it did. I just wrote dead instead of did.
It's been almost a year.