Swimming when you should be running
"I just want to get away with you for a while." Sarah looked genuinely sad as she made her plea.
The conversation about their present life apart from each other led to them planning their future togetherness. A week of uninterrupted 'them' time up North. Sun filled beaches culminating in sun-kissed bodies; long, breathtaking walks resulting in a satisfied tiredness; sleeping under the stars so they could feel one with nature and one with each other.
*
"I just want to get away with you for a while!" Kirstie looked genuinely mad as she made her announcement with her hands placed firmly on her hips.
The conversation about their drifting apart led to her planning a time for them to be happy together. A week down South. Gorgeous beaches a backdrop for gorgeous photos; Kayaking to sort out the wobbly bits on her thirty year old arms (and the larger bits around his thirty year old stomach); champagne under the stars so they could forget about the rest of the world.
*
David and Sarah were excited to begin. Three long months had preceded this time. With Sarah finally home and with a tight budget, they were ready to set off into the great outdoors. But after a six hour drive they realised that the outdoors was just that- Great.
Arriving at the beginning of the track, the weather continued to turn as it had all day- sunny to cloudy, cloudy to overcast, and now overcast to rainy.
After a photo they set off anyway; images of sun-kissed bodies diminishing, but they didn't need tans to be happy.
"Baby, there's no fly."
Sarah's jaw dropped and she just stared at David, stunned.
The rain had gotten much heaver in the last hour of their tramp, and as they'd desecended down into the first camp they'd established that they'd need to erect the tent as quickly as possibly to avoid anything else getting drenched.
"Baby?"
"Put up the tent." Sarah replied.
"We can't sleep in this, Sarah, we'll get soaked."
She sat there stunned, while David ran to get them an Aquataxi out of the place.
"She is not impressesed at all," commented the Aquataxi driver as Sarah ignored the offer of his hand to help her board the boat.
David put his arm around her as she stared out to sea, the dream of their perfect holiday away crushed.
She cried on his shoulder in the shower, washing any traces of their failed trip away off their bodies.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." he whispered as he helped her peel off her extra layers- she'd been too upset to bother taking anything off before she got in the shower.
Once they were dry and in the car he asked her what she wanted to do.
She looked out the window at the rain for a moment before answering.
"Let's just buy a tent and go back tomorrow. We're here to tramp, let's go tramping."
They'd forgiven each other by bedtime that night, and were please to hold each other indoors while their packs dried.
*
The following day, Kirstie and Liam were stressed at the start. After an easy flight on which she'd had not one but two glasses of champagne, she'd demanded they go lingerie shopping. Liam had reasoned with her- if they missed their departure time, that was it. The boat took their bags and tent for them, and dropped the two of them off at the first camp, saving them a four hour walk.
They set off kayaking from there.
Liam was pleased for some peace and quiet. It was raining hard and only appeared to be getting heavier- if that was even possible. Thankfully for him the rain drowned out her Aussie accented voice from time to time. The waves crashed upon the rocks beside them and he was able to appreciate every curve and shape in the coastline.
*
Sarah and David set out again from the same camp at the same time. The rain hadn't ceased over night, but they we're feeling more positive after a good nights sleep and with everything they owned bagged in black plastic. Surely the rain couldn't get any heavier, right?
*
Sarah, David, Kirstie and Liam stood on the beach in the torrential rain waiting for the Aquataxi to arrive.
"I think you've made the right decision," Kirstie told an unsure Sarah & David, "If we'd stayed in that leaky tent I would've killed him," she gestured to Liam.
Sarah and David had arrived to find the camp empty- everyone had deserted the place hours before except Liam and Kirstie.
It had rained constantly for eight hours. And everytime David commented, "Well, at least it can't get any worse," it did.
The track began to fall away, the river merged into the track, they walked through waterfalls that hadn't existed until 2 hours prior, and lo and behold- the rain got heavier.
When they'd finally gotten to the second camp, a lone tent was standing- With Kirstie and Sarah far away from it, under the shelter of the kitchen unit.
"If you want to stay, I will," Sarah told David earnestly.
"All our clothes are dry, we could even set the tent up in the kitchen area,"
While they grappled with this idea for a long time, eventually they decided otherwise.
Sarah, David, Kirstie and Liam drank a bottle of wine in the rain on the beach while they waited for the taxi to arrive.
*
Kirstie and Liam were lucky to find accommodation immediately. Liam wouldn't have minded roughing it in a leaky tent, but he couldn't stand Kirstie's whining anymore, so he was over the moon to have found somewhere.
"Let's go to a winery tomorrow," Kirstie called from the bathroom as she applied her face mask.
*
Sarah and David drove for 2 and a half hours. They tried backpackers, hotels, bed and breakfasts- and found nothing. Finally they would up at a motel in the middle of nowhere, miles away from where they'd started. It wasn't cheap, but they couldn't keep looking at 10 o'clock at night in small towns.
Sarah rested her head on David's chest in the uncomfortable motel bed and cried quietly.
Their long awaited holiday hadn't turned out as planned, but on this rollercoaster of emotion beneath the torrential rains of another moon, they'd figured something out amidst the tears, laughter, smiles and anger.
"I love you."
The conversation about their present life apart from each other led to them planning their future togetherness. A week of uninterrupted 'them' time up North. Sun filled beaches culminating in sun-kissed bodies; long, breathtaking walks resulting in a satisfied tiredness; sleeping under the stars so they could feel one with nature and one with each other.
*
"I just want to get away with you for a while!" Kirstie looked genuinely mad as she made her announcement with her hands placed firmly on her hips.
The conversation about their drifting apart led to her planning a time for them to be happy together. A week down South. Gorgeous beaches a backdrop for gorgeous photos; Kayaking to sort out the wobbly bits on her thirty year old arms (and the larger bits around his thirty year old stomach); champagne under the stars so they could forget about the rest of the world.
*
David and Sarah were excited to begin. Three long months had preceded this time. With Sarah finally home and with a tight budget, they were ready to set off into the great outdoors. But after a six hour drive they realised that the outdoors was just that- Great.
Arriving at the beginning of the track, the weather continued to turn as it had all day- sunny to cloudy, cloudy to overcast, and now overcast to rainy.
After a photo they set off anyway; images of sun-kissed bodies diminishing, but they didn't need tans to be happy.
"Baby, there's no fly."
Sarah's jaw dropped and she just stared at David, stunned.
The rain had gotten much heaver in the last hour of their tramp, and as they'd desecended down into the first camp they'd established that they'd need to erect the tent as quickly as possibly to avoid anything else getting drenched.
"Baby?"
"Put up the tent." Sarah replied.
"We can't sleep in this, Sarah, we'll get soaked."
She sat there stunned, while David ran to get them an Aquataxi out of the place.
"She is not impressesed at all," commented the Aquataxi driver as Sarah ignored the offer of his hand to help her board the boat.
David put his arm around her as she stared out to sea, the dream of their perfect holiday away crushed.
She cried on his shoulder in the shower, washing any traces of their failed trip away off their bodies.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." he whispered as he helped her peel off her extra layers- she'd been too upset to bother taking anything off before she got in the shower.
Once they were dry and in the car he asked her what she wanted to do.
She looked out the window at the rain for a moment before answering.
"Let's just buy a tent and go back tomorrow. We're here to tramp, let's go tramping."
They'd forgiven each other by bedtime that night, and were please to hold each other indoors while their packs dried.
*
The following day, Kirstie and Liam were stressed at the start. After an easy flight on which she'd had not one but two glasses of champagne, she'd demanded they go lingerie shopping. Liam had reasoned with her- if they missed their departure time, that was it. The boat took their bags and tent for them, and dropped the two of them off at the first camp, saving them a four hour walk.
They set off kayaking from there.
Liam was pleased for some peace and quiet. It was raining hard and only appeared to be getting heavier- if that was even possible. Thankfully for him the rain drowned out her Aussie accented voice from time to time. The waves crashed upon the rocks beside them and he was able to appreciate every curve and shape in the coastline.
*
Sarah and David set out again from the same camp at the same time. The rain hadn't ceased over night, but they we're feeling more positive after a good nights sleep and with everything they owned bagged in black plastic. Surely the rain couldn't get any heavier, right?
*
Sarah, David, Kirstie and Liam stood on the beach in the torrential rain waiting for the Aquataxi to arrive.
"I think you've made the right decision," Kirstie told an unsure Sarah & David, "If we'd stayed in that leaky tent I would've killed him," she gestured to Liam.
Sarah and David had arrived to find the camp empty- everyone had deserted the place hours before except Liam and Kirstie.
It had rained constantly for eight hours. And everytime David commented, "Well, at least it can't get any worse," it did.
The track began to fall away, the river merged into the track, they walked through waterfalls that hadn't existed until 2 hours prior, and lo and behold- the rain got heavier.
When they'd finally gotten to the second camp, a lone tent was standing- With Kirstie and Sarah far away from it, under the shelter of the kitchen unit.
"If you want to stay, I will," Sarah told David earnestly.
"All our clothes are dry, we could even set the tent up in the kitchen area,"
While they grappled with this idea for a long time, eventually they decided otherwise.
Sarah, David, Kirstie and Liam drank a bottle of wine in the rain on the beach while they waited for the taxi to arrive.
*
Kirstie and Liam were lucky to find accommodation immediately. Liam wouldn't have minded roughing it in a leaky tent, but he couldn't stand Kirstie's whining anymore, so he was over the moon to have found somewhere.
"Let's go to a winery tomorrow," Kirstie called from the bathroom as she applied her face mask.
*
Sarah and David drove for 2 and a half hours. They tried backpackers, hotels, bed and breakfasts- and found nothing. Finally they would up at a motel in the middle of nowhere, miles away from where they'd started. It wasn't cheap, but they couldn't keep looking at 10 o'clock at night in small towns.
Sarah rested her head on David's chest in the uncomfortable motel bed and cried quietly.
Their long awaited holiday hadn't turned out as planned, but on this rollercoaster of emotion beneath the torrential rains of another moon, they'd figured something out amidst the tears, laughter, smiles and anger.
"I love you."
Comments
This has potential, but it shows your rush to get it in. Lots of typos and more of the story wants to be told.
I'm glad Sarah and David were brought closer by their soggy holiday. They deserved it. For them, the relationship was all about "YOU," the other person. For Kirstie and Liam, it was all about "ME." They deserve the ugly end they are careening toward.
"Thankfully for him the rain drowned out her Aussie accented voice from time to time."
I think once you've given it a tidy up it will be a nice strong observational piece about couples - it puts me in mind of a mini "Love Actually" ... gone camping.
still, you learn a lot about the people you are with in stressful moments
That out of the way, this is a new style for you, and you should pursue it. Definite potential here, and far more traditionally narrative than most of your other work (I am NOT suggesting you abandon your normal style... just that you play in others from time to time).
Words about a sun-kissed body paint a nice beginning.