I think you're dreaming
My nan told me yesterday that I lead a very full life.
I think this may just be something that runs in our family.
We work a lot (I have three jobs at the moment as I'm in the middle of transitioning from one to another, plus my casual holiday job,) we like to socialise a lot, we like to get out a lot, and generally just try to fit as much into our days as humanly possible.
And I like it this way.
Sure, it tires me out sometimes, but excepting when I'm extremely busy, I'm still alright with my busyness.
But I wondered for a while if this was just me trying to distract myself and avoid being alone with myself.
But after discussing the matter of alone-ness with a friend, and then seeing this video made me decide that I really did have to stop being dependent on others.
Because for a good few months this year I really was happy to be alone.
I was okay with just being Siobhan.
In fact, I'd waited so long to just be Siobhan again.
And then recently I noticed I was lapsing into how I used to be.
I decided that I needed to work on being alone, and going home earlier, not staying out just because I dreaded the thought of going to be and knowing everyone else was with other people.
So yesterday, there was a nine hour long concert thrown in Canterbury for free to take our minds off the earthquake.
I took my little sister in the morning, because with the aftershocks still coming, and some of them still being quite big, she's been absolutely suffering with earthquake trauma, which our family doesn't know how to combat, and no matter how much we try to comfort her, it doesn't help.
So I took her off to see Dane Rumble, who I'd also been very keen to see, and he was really great.
I saw a few other bands with Kristin and Fraser, The Dukes, Ivy Lies, The Eastern, Che fu and King Kapisi, but the band I was really keen to see was The Exponents.
They actually had been disbanded for ages, and only rebanded for this concert.
So here I was at work last night, at quarter past seven, and my boss asks who was on at the moment.
I told him that the Exponents were about to play in fifteen minutes and I was gutted cause they were the only band I'd really wanted to see, because I'd never see them again.
Well, then my boss turns around and says "Go!"
I was a tad confused and just said... "What?"
He told me that this was my one opportunity, and to go right then.
I got home as quickly as I could, and what is usually a 25 minute drive to town, my nan turned into a 12 minute drive, and I arrived on their second song!
My parents had been quite shocked that I was going alone, but I didn't care, I really wanted to be there.
So I ran all the way from where I was dropped off, overtaking a few other people who were running and who (according to their loud exclamations) wished they had my 'cross country skills.'
I got there just as they were beginning the song 'Victoria,' (the second song, I later found out) and made my way as close to the stage as I could.
But being alone didn't matter, because I could sing, and I could smile, and a group of drunken guys quickly took me under their wing haha.
So I had singing buddies for all of 'Victoria,' and the best dancing and singing buddies for 'Why does love do this me?'
And also, high-fives all round at the end, with a lot of, "Good work team!" from the main drunk guy in question.
And I helped some english people to actually understand the lyrics to 'Why does love do this to me?' that 130,000 people were singing around them, and joked with another guy about my ages about the drunken guys that also made him join in.
So I was happy alone.
And I didn't mind walking away alone.
And then after watching rugby and league at the pub with Bob, then buying Kyle, Fraser and Jared a few rounds later on, I made myself go home to bed instead of staying in town (although i've found my definite destination for next week- Rockpool, with BANKSY ARTWORK!! And Pulzar djs, teapots, and many a pool table. Damn, it was my kinda place!) because I knew I was too tired.
I didn't feel the least bit sad when I got home alone at midnight and knew other people were out.
So that makes me feel dandy as a fox.
I think this may just be something that runs in our family.
We work a lot (I have three jobs at the moment as I'm in the middle of transitioning from one to another, plus my casual holiday job,) we like to socialise a lot, we like to get out a lot, and generally just try to fit as much into our days as humanly possible.
And I like it this way.
Sure, it tires me out sometimes, but excepting when I'm extremely busy, I'm still alright with my busyness.
But I wondered for a while if this was just me trying to distract myself and avoid being alone with myself.
But after discussing the matter of alone-ness with a friend, and then seeing this video made me decide that I really did have to stop being dependent on others.
Because for a good few months this year I really was happy to be alone.
I was okay with just being Siobhan.
In fact, I'd waited so long to just be Siobhan again.
And then recently I noticed I was lapsing into how I used to be.
I decided that I needed to work on being alone, and going home earlier, not staying out just because I dreaded the thought of going to be and knowing everyone else was with other people.
So yesterday, there was a nine hour long concert thrown in Canterbury for free to take our minds off the earthquake.
I took my little sister in the morning, because with the aftershocks still coming, and some of them still being quite big, she's been absolutely suffering with earthquake trauma, which our family doesn't know how to combat, and no matter how much we try to comfort her, it doesn't help.
So I took her off to see Dane Rumble, who I'd also been very keen to see, and he was really great.
I saw a few other bands with Kristin and Fraser, The Dukes, Ivy Lies, The Eastern, Che fu and King Kapisi, but the band I was really keen to see was The Exponents.
They actually had been disbanded for ages, and only rebanded for this concert.
So here I was at work last night, at quarter past seven, and my boss asks who was on at the moment.
I told him that the Exponents were about to play in fifteen minutes and I was gutted cause they were the only band I'd really wanted to see, because I'd never see them again.
Well, then my boss turns around and says "Go!"
I was a tad confused and just said... "What?"
He told me that this was my one opportunity, and to go right then.
I got home as quickly as I could, and what is usually a 25 minute drive to town, my nan turned into a 12 minute drive, and I arrived on their second song!
My parents had been quite shocked that I was going alone, but I didn't care, I really wanted to be there.
So I ran all the way from where I was dropped off, overtaking a few other people who were running and who (according to their loud exclamations) wished they had my 'cross country skills.'
I got there just as they were beginning the song 'Victoria,' (the second song, I later found out) and made my way as close to the stage as I could.
But being alone didn't matter, because I could sing, and I could smile, and a group of drunken guys quickly took me under their wing haha.
So I had singing buddies for all of 'Victoria,' and the best dancing and singing buddies for 'Why does love do this me?'
And also, high-fives all round at the end, with a lot of, "Good work team!" from the main drunk guy in question.
And I helped some english people to actually understand the lyrics to 'Why does love do this to me?' that 130,000 people were singing around them, and joked with another guy about my ages about the drunken guys that also made him join in.
So I was happy alone.
And I didn't mind walking away alone.
And then after watching rugby and league at the pub with Bob, then buying Kyle, Fraser and Jared a few rounds later on, I made myself go home to bed instead of staying in town (although i've found my definite destination for next week- Rockpool, with BANKSY ARTWORK!! And Pulzar djs, teapots, and many a pool table. Damn, it was my kinda place!) because I knew I was too tired.
I didn't feel the least bit sad when I got home alone at midnight and knew other people were out.
So that makes me feel dandy as a fox.
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