Theme Thursday - Blue
What an appropriate theme.
For some reason I kept thinking today's theme was white, but that's been done hasn't it?
I had rather a blue day today, which was sad after such a fabulous day yesterday (Finished my Polytech course with my final assessment going well, school was tolerable, go to catch up with some people).
I was traipsing across a field to go to a Dairy that would take as long a time as possible to walk to during my lunch hour, so that I wouldn't get back and not know what to do with myself before the bell rang.
And the strangest thought came through my head as I was humming American Pie and looking at the rather destroyed rugby fields.
I'm dying again, I thought.
I immediately realised that this really wasn't as bad as last time, but it could perhaps progress.
Very dramatic sounding I know, but I once went through a phase where I was so sad that everyday I woke up feeling numb. No emotions. Nothing. Just feeling like- and honestly, the song says it well- This will be the day that I die.
It sounds insane even for me to talk about now. It sounds stupid. It sounds ridiculous.
But that's how it was. I was so sad that I was convinced I was just going to die any moment, as there was nothing else to do.
Anyway, that was a very lonely time. A lot of things had changed back then, a lot of people had sharply exited my life. And this is nowhere near as bad.
No, I was just a little blue today, that's all.
Yes, I'm lonely, but not like last time.
Maybe I don't have anyone to talk to about the things I used to, but another thing I remembered when I had almost made it back to school was something that someone told me quite recently-
You're the toughest person I know.
Really bizarre thing to hear at the time.
I don't know that I'm tough, I think I just harden my heart, as it's easier to pretend I don't care rather than let myself get beaten down all the time.
Sadly, I've used this coping mechanism with a few people in my life.
I find anger easier to cope with than sadness.
But I also remembered a text I was once shown. Every 60seconds you spend unhappy is a minute you'll never get back.
And it's so true.
Yes, I'm lonely.
Maybe I'm not so close to anyone anymore.
But I'll be okay.
I'm always okay.
I just have to focus on the positives in my life, and my heart will not be so blue.
For some reason I kept thinking today's theme was white, but that's been done hasn't it?
I had rather a blue day today, which was sad after such a fabulous day yesterday (Finished my Polytech course with my final assessment going well, school was tolerable, go to catch up with some people).
I was traipsing across a field to go to a Dairy that would take as long a time as possible to walk to during my lunch hour, so that I wouldn't get back and not know what to do with myself before the bell rang.
And the strangest thought came through my head as I was humming American Pie and looking at the rather destroyed rugby fields.
I'm dying again, I thought.
I immediately realised that this really wasn't as bad as last time, but it could perhaps progress.
Very dramatic sounding I know, but I once went through a phase where I was so sad that everyday I woke up feeling numb. No emotions. Nothing. Just feeling like- and honestly, the song says it well- This will be the day that I die.
It sounds insane even for me to talk about now. It sounds stupid. It sounds ridiculous.
But that's how it was. I was so sad that I was convinced I was just going to die any moment, as there was nothing else to do.
Anyway, that was a very lonely time. A lot of things had changed back then, a lot of people had sharply exited my life. And this is nowhere near as bad.
No, I was just a little blue today, that's all.
Yes, I'm lonely, but not like last time.
Maybe I don't have anyone to talk to about the things I used to, but another thing I remembered when I had almost made it back to school was something that someone told me quite recently-
You're the toughest person I know.
Really bizarre thing to hear at the time.
I don't know that I'm tough, I think I just harden my heart, as it's easier to pretend I don't care rather than let myself get beaten down all the time.
Sadly, I've used this coping mechanism with a few people in my life.
I find anger easier to cope with than sadness.
But I also remembered a text I was once shown. Every 60seconds you spend unhappy is a minute you'll never get back.
And it's so true.
Yes, I'm lonely.
Maybe I'm not so close to anyone anymore.
But I'll be okay.
I'm always okay.
I just have to focus on the positives in my life, and my heart will not be so blue.
Comments
Keep being you and happiness will find you eventually! Plus now you gonna be loaded! Although money doesn't buy happiness. Infact to be happiest according to studies you need to have the same disposable income as those around you. Interesting huh?
Feel better.