Even the kiss of life wouldn't save us

I'll let you in on a little secret.

Gather round, listen close, don't tell a soul.

I'm a girl.

Whoa now! I see your shocked expressions. But wait-

Not only that,

I.
am.
a.
teenage.

girl.

Now, I don't really have time to let you get over this shock as I am short on time, sleep, and I really must stop procrastinating at some point in my life and try out this fandangled craze they call homework.

Anyway.

This tends to mean that I have a bit of an understanding as to how teenage girls work.
This also means that I have probably participated in some of the sins of teenage girls that I am about to reveal.
I won't be as bold as to say that I completely understand teenage girls, because, well, teenage girls are far too complicated, or at least, they like to think they are complicated, or perhaps, they like to make things complicated.

But there is one strange phenomenom that I've seen in a fair few of them.
I've probably done this myself sometime.

Teenage girls are crafty.
They're jealous.
They're self-conscious.

And sometimes, they're not the kind of 'perfect' that they'd like to be.

So what do they see as the best form of self-improvement?

Sabotaging others.

Now, perhaps to those who aren't part of this species entitled 'Teenage Girl,' the sabotage may be too subtle to pick up on.

It's not as obvious in those movies, like Mean Girls or whatever.

No, it tends to be very subtle for those who aren't attuned to it.

For example;
You're shopping with a friend. She knows you're saving to go to France. (Okay, so that's me, but that's because I can't think of something else that someone should be saving for. Insert something expensive that you have to work your ass off for and not spend any money for the next year or so just to get it.)
You walk into a dress shop. (If you're a man, pretend this is normal, you're in the land of teenage girls now.)
You spy a nice dress, try it on, then look at the price tag. The dress is nice, but not so nice that you should sacrifice your OE.
Enter the teenage girl 'friend.'
"Oh, you should definitely buy it! Why not! I would! Go for it!"
When you know full well that she wouldn't, in fact, she's rather jealous of your trip to France and would kill to go. So instead, she adopts Tall Poppy Syndrome- cutting you down to her size. She doesn't want you to go and have the time of your life while she's stuck at home moping.

I think the most frequent example though would be sabotaging other girls attempts at looking slim.
For some reason, slim is in with teenage girls.
If you're skinny, you have everything.
If you're buying a dress, and your friend comments, "OHMIGODYOULOOKSOTHIN!'
Suddenly that okay-looking dress is the best dress in the world!

So naturally, these evil types of teenage girls would much rather be the thinnest.

Let's say you're on a diet. (Now, I don't approve of diets, never will, but this is how teenage girls function.) You've eaten a salad for lunch, you're not too hungry, but you and your friend walk past some sweets in a store. You briefly remark that you really like such sweets.
The teenage girl swoops in!
"Buy them! Go on, it won't harm your diet too much! Just do it!"
You buy them, eat some, offer some to her- AND SHE REFUSES.

Or you're on a strict exercise regime. You really can't be bother going for that long run today, but you know you should, and you look to your teenage girl friend for motivation.
But all you get is, "Nah, you don't need to! You'll be fine! Go home and have a hot chocolate! Be lazy!"
When you know that they envy your usual self-discipline.

I feel as though all of these examples sound far too vague for anyone other than a teenage girl to understand.
It's the flash in their eyes, the tone of their voice.

This is why I like boys.