Wisdom in Hindsight
Hindsight really is a beautiful thing, isn't it?
In some ways, hindsight helps to predict the future all over again.
You know, you made that awful mistake in the past (presuming that you have made some awful mistake, and if you haven't, just you wait) and it prevents you from doing the same thing again.
Or you realise that something in your life long ago just wasn't good for you, so when it creeps back into the corner of your eye, in some form or another, warning bells go off and you automatically put up your defences.
So really, its rather funny that as teenagers, we tend to assume that no one else, particular our parents or grandparents, has any idea what we're going through.
(The typical "You just don't understand!" that we see so often in movies)
Now, I'm not saying that I'm unlike any other teenager, as I hardly ever go to my parents to talk about problems. I mean, I'm most certainly honest with them, but if something is going wrong in my life, they're the last people I'd talk to.
I attempt to battle them out in my mind, and usually end up nowhere.
My problem seems to be that I think with both my head and my heart, and I don't really know how to piece the two together sometimes.
And as I've said previously, I find decision making hard for fear of failure and fear of responsibility.
However, a few nights ago, I spoke to my Nan. Now, my Nan isn't really that old for a grandparent, not by general grandparent standards, but I think I tend to think of her unfairly as just another senile elderly person sometimes. (Must be my self-centred teenage nature, and the fact that my father seems to suffer from the cliché of being allergic to the mother-in-law.) But let's face it, a person fifty years older than me will have a lot more experience, a lot more hindsight, and therefore a lot more wisdom than a young seventeen year old.
Anyway, we were talking about Otago University, going to France or Tahiti, relationships, and basically my future. And it just seemed that she understood where I was coming from. About everything. She didn't judge me, didn't make me feel guilty, didn't tell me what she wanted me to do, she just listened and seemed to want the best for me, and provided a lot more insight into my dilemmas that any of my parents, or any other person for that matter, ever has.
Maybe it takes a long time to gain wisdom. Perhaps I should be taking advice from those who know?
Because, I've made bad choices. Sure, they're not as bad as some people I know, but from my moral point of view, I'm done some pretty awful things.
And I've learned from some of them- but sometimes, I just don't seem to learn, even with valuable hindsight.
I think, eventually you just realise that some things don't matter.
That some things aren't worth wasting your life on.
That some things are incredibly important.
That some things will have to wait.
And that other things won't wait.
I just hope eventually doesn't come too late.
In some ways, hindsight helps to predict the future all over again.
You know, you made that awful mistake in the past (presuming that you have made some awful mistake, and if you haven't, just you wait) and it prevents you from doing the same thing again.
Or you realise that something in your life long ago just wasn't good for you, so when it creeps back into the corner of your eye, in some form or another, warning bells go off and you automatically put up your defences.
So really, its rather funny that as teenagers, we tend to assume that no one else, particular our parents or grandparents, has any idea what we're going through.
(The typical "You just don't understand!" that we see so often in movies)
Now, I'm not saying that I'm unlike any other teenager, as I hardly ever go to my parents to talk about problems. I mean, I'm most certainly honest with them, but if something is going wrong in my life, they're the last people I'd talk to.
I attempt to battle them out in my mind, and usually end up nowhere.
My problem seems to be that I think with both my head and my heart, and I don't really know how to piece the two together sometimes.
And as I've said previously, I find decision making hard for fear of failure and fear of responsibility.
However, a few nights ago, I spoke to my Nan. Now, my Nan isn't really that old for a grandparent, not by general grandparent standards, but I think I tend to think of her unfairly as just another senile elderly person sometimes. (Must be my self-centred teenage nature, and the fact that my father seems to suffer from the cliché of being allergic to the mother-in-law.) But let's face it, a person fifty years older than me will have a lot more experience, a lot more hindsight, and therefore a lot more wisdom than a young seventeen year old.
Anyway, we were talking about Otago University, going to France or Tahiti, relationships, and basically my future. And it just seemed that she understood where I was coming from. About everything. She didn't judge me, didn't make me feel guilty, didn't tell me what she wanted me to do, she just listened and seemed to want the best for me, and provided a lot more insight into my dilemmas that any of my parents, or any other person for that matter, ever has.
Maybe it takes a long time to gain wisdom. Perhaps I should be taking advice from those who know?
Because, I've made bad choices. Sure, they're not as bad as some people I know, but from my moral point of view, I'm done some pretty awful things.
And I've learned from some of them- but sometimes, I just don't seem to learn, even with valuable hindsight.
I think, eventually you just realise that some things don't matter.
That some things aren't worth wasting your life on.
That some things are incredibly important.
That some things will have to wait.
And that other things won't wait.
I just hope eventually doesn't come too late.
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