Theme Thursday - Mystery

Rather humourous that this week's theme is Mystery- I have no idea what this post will be about

I sometimes feel like I'm posting the same things over, and over, and over again.
Complaint, complaint, complaint.
OCCASIONAL SHOCK OF REVELATION!
Complaint.
And so on.
And I feel as though, perhaps I shouldn't point this out, because now you will all see me as a pessimist, although in general I call myself a realist, which is apparently what an optimist calls a pessimist, so does that in fact make me an optimist?
Anyway...

Mystery, eh?

Well, life is full of that.
Personally, I've always loved a mystery.

I think thats part of the reason I adore exploring places like the Maltworks; I love trying to figure out what happened to the place, what it was, who worked there, and it's the same with any abandoned building. I love abandoned places.
I visited the abandoned hospital in Hanmer. My goodness gracious I will most certainly take a camera with me when I go back. That was really creepy. Beds looking like they'd been thrown across the room, old record books of patients, random lights on around the place. And the old-fashioned furniture just added to the whole ambience of the place.

And when I was little, Phoebe and I were spies. Oh we had logbooks, night vision goggles, (of course, cheap children's versions) listening devices, (now they really worked!) ciphers, invisible ink, edible paper, my goodness we had so much junk! That what was I was convinced I wanted to do when I grew up, work in espionage. I suppose I didn't really think about the whole danger factor, eh?

And now, mystery is all a bit scary.
Next year, and the years following them, are one big black hole in my mind.
Honestly, it feels like they will never even begin.
It feels like there should be no end to school, no start to independence.
I really can only think one year ahead at the most and believe it.
If I try and plan any further, it just seems all too unreal.
Is that bizarre?

And I talk about my indecisiveness.
I try to make decisions, but I'm scared of making the wrong decision, scared of failure, scared of responsibility.
You know, I tried to decide what I wanted to do next year.
Had a nice wee plan, started saving, was going to work from October to March, then jet off to France in March next year, work there for the rest of the year, then come home for Uni the year after.
But, I was told that this was the wrong decision.

Now what?
Do I go with what my parents want?
With what my careers advisor wants?
With what I want?
Ultimately, it's my life.

And it's all a big mystery until I make the decisions.